4 A's of Marriage

There are four A's that are suggested for all marriages: appreciation, apology, attention and affection. Read on to see how they can benefit your relationship:

Appreciation. Many times, spouses can become very focused on the negative behaviors of their partners, get caught up on things their spouses don't do or lose sight of what the other person is doing right. Appreciation means saying, "thank you" when your spouse does something kind or considerate. Additionally, it means stating your appreciation when your spouse does something you think they should have been doing for a while or something you think is just common courtesy. It could be something like your husband bringing your flowers or your wife letting you choose the radio station in the car. Appreciation is most effective when it's specific; for instance, "I really appreciate when you put your dirty clothes in the hamper." You can give your thanks face-to-face, on the phone, via text, email or note. It's important to remember to recognize, and comment on, the things your spouse does "right" as opposed to just focusing on, or complaining about, the things he/she does wrong."

Apologies. It seems simple to say you're sorry for something you did or said that was hurtful, but a lot of times, it's easier said than done. Your apologies have to be genuine. If you apologize for a specific behavior but keep engaging in the behavior constantly, your apology means nothing. Apologies are more effective when your partner feels you really understand you made a mistake and that you'll really do your best to not let something similar happen again. Additionally, when you're apologizing, say you're sorry, specify the behavior you are apologizing for and humbly state you know you were wrong and hope the other person will forgive you. It might also be useful to state that you know your words/actions were insensitive or upsetting so your partner realizes you are attempting to be in tune with how he/she is feeling.

Attention. Paying attentioon means being conscious and observant in your marriage. It means really "showing up," not just phoning in your participation or physically being there while being somewhere else mentally. It also means your spouse gets chunks of your time and energy during the day, such as noticing what he has on and being interested in her day. Additionally, paying attention also means looking at your spouse when he's talking to you, remember anniversaries, birthdays and other important dates. You should also make time to focus on your spouse and your relationship; you could go to dinner or just spend time really talking. Remember, paying attention to your spouse can't only happen during designated times; it also has to be done in small ways daily.

Affection. This means touch, not just sex. It means small acts of physical contact throughout the day like touching his shoulder or holding her hand in the car or just giving him a hug. It's essential that touch be given at other times besides in the bedroom; touch is a way of connecting with your spouse and doesn't have an ulterior motive. It's friendly, supportive and helps your partner feel close to you.

By using these four A's, you'll be lessening or even preventing many difficulties that come with marriage. The four A's make the good times more enjoyable and the difficult times easier to get through.

Source; Photo Credit

Beat the Post Wedding Blues

Many couples spend at least a year in the spotlight as an engaged couple. For some people, it can be tough to go from planning a wedding and having all eyes on you to the married life. If you're experiencing post-wedding blues, here are five ways to get out of your funk:

1. Gain perspective. Yes, your wedding was fun, but it was just one day; your marriage should last a lifetime. Truthfully, the day after your wedding is the really exciting day-- it's the start of your life together. You now have the opportunity to show your commitment and love to each other daily, create a family and home and dream big. Begin by talking about your next big goal; it could be putting away for a romantic weekend getaway or buying your first home. This will give you something else to focus on.
2. Get cozy. You've probably done nothing but think about and plan a wedding for the last few months. And while it might have been, it was still work; planning a wedding can drain your energy and increase stress. Now that it's over, you probably have recaptured some precious time. With that said, it's okay to take a rest and do nothing for awhile--savor your newfound laziness.
3. Go out. Sometimes, engaged couples tend to desert their friends and family leading up to the wedding because they're swamped with things to do. Make it up to them by having dinner, seeing a movie, going for a hike or taking a trip to the beach. Do something you enjoy and haven't had time to do in a while. Your friends and family will appreciate your company and boost your spirits.
4. Have a party. If you really crave another celebration, set a date for a get together at your place. Sure, it'll be smaller than a wedding, but you can still make invitations, centerpieces, place settings and a menu. You can show off all the fabulous gifts you received and put them to good use. Invite those you wish you could have spent more one-on-one time with at the wedding. And be sure to have loads of fun!
5. Take on a project. Many newlyweds feel nostalgic after their weddings, and that's okay. Feel free to embrace it by talking about your wedding, looking at the photos and watching the video. You could also tackle on a project that would honor your wedding in some way. For example, you can create a collage of your wedding photos or create a scrapbook. These activities will help keep your mind busy, give you the opportunity to think about the happy memories and leave you with a momento you can use whenever you want to put a smile on your face.
   
   
   
   

Source; Photo Credit: weddingbells.ca

5 things to do after you say 'I do'

1. Clean and put your gown away. Get your dress dry-cleaned within six months of your wedding (the sooner, the better). Be sure to use a service that focuses on wedding dresses so they use the appropriate solvents. Ensure they stuff it with acid-free tissue, stay away from using metal pins or buckles and place it in a box. When it's home, keep it in a cool, dry place.

2. Change your name. It's ideal to change all your IDs within 90 days of tieing the knot. Here's how:
Go to DMV.org to find state forms to change your driver's license. Many states require you to bring your marriage license to the DMV as evidence of your new name.
Change your passport. Visit TravelState.gov for more info. You'll have to mail in your current passport, a copy of your marriage certificate and possibly new passport photos.
Change your social security card. You can find out how at SocialSecurity.gov. You might have to apply in person depending on where you live.
Call your credit card companies to get your name changed.

3. Send thank you notes. You should send thank-you notes within two months of your wedding. Set a goal (such as 10 per night), and write them during commercial breaks. Split the project with your hubby, and the job will be less overwhelming. Be sure that both of you sign your names on each card; another tip: print address and return address labels on your computer if you can.

4. Deal with registry returns. Go ahead and return any gifts within two months of your wedding. If you're registered with a particular store, they are likely to be lenient; keep in mind, however, that each store will have a different policy on when to make returns and what they'll take back.

5. Figure out finances. Talking about money isn't exactly fun, but hopefully you and your spouse have talked about your finances before getting hitched. Several married couples choose to combine their single accounts into one; bring this option up if you haven't already. All you have to do is visit the bank, fill out required paperwork, and obtain new debit cards and checks.

For more after wedding to-dos, check out our source: After the Wedding: Newlywed To-do List.



Photo from toyandgift.co.uk

Questions to ask before tying the knot

According to an article by J.J. Austin on African American Brides Blog, you should ask yourself 10 questions to be sure you're ready for happily ever after:

• Do you have any issues with his family or does he have any with yours? You might be very much in love with your future husband, but issues with his family (or vice versa) can mean trouble later on. Settling any issues before the big day is important for the long-term health of your marriage.
• Have you talked and do you agree on the handling of your family finances? Money is the number one reason marriages end in divorce; you need to devise a plan so your finances will be handled, and stick to it. You'll have peace of mind know that the financial plan is taken care of.

For the rest of the tips, see Do You Have a Marriage-Ready Checklist?